I remember the first time someone asked me if I knew what the word assume meant. I knew it was a trick question, so I responded no. They advised me that assume has a tendency to make an ASS out of U and ME. It made me laugh and it also rang true.

We see what we want to see, we hear what we want to hear, and then our brain for whatever reason fills in the blanks based on our history and stories we have chosen to make up.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and just assumed they should do something for you because they love you and they should know what you want? STOP IT! To the best of my knowledge none of us are truly mind readers, no matter how much we love a person. The issue isn't that they don't love you, the issue is you are afraid to ask for what you really want. Trust me on this. I spent most of my life in relationships where most of the conversations were going on in my head. And then one day, I'd be done and no one was more surprised than the person I'd been living with.

Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend, spending days ruminating the conversation in your head, losing sleep, feeling upset and angry? STOP IT! Yes, you had a disagreement. It takes courage to reach out and ask an open-ended question — without using the word you. It's safer to have conversations in your head. The problem with conversations in our head is that your friend doesn't get to be an active participant. Many friendships have been lost because we make assumptions about what the other person is thinking and feeling. I don't know about you; me, my psychic skills are really lacking in this department.

You may have noticed that The Four Agreements aren't really separate; they intertwine with each other. When our word is impeccable, we don't leave room for assumptions to fill the silence. We recognize the world isn't revolving around us, so we stop taking things personally. And instead of guessing, we ask.

Life becomes easier. Our relationships become deeper. And we stop making an ASS out of U and ME.

Blessings on your journey,
Rev. Gayle